Getting to know myself and reconnecting with my true nature
I would like to start by acknowledging that I was and continue to be in a very privileged position recovering from burnout. I was financially secure and had a lot of support all the way through. I was and remain extremely grateful every day of my recovery for all these blessings. Without them none of this would be possible.
Getting to know me…
One of my favourite things to come out of my burning out was having the time and energy to really get to know myself, my true self. The one I had been pushing aside for such a long time to fit into my current working and private life.
Another favourite thing was the fact that I was finally able to sleep and rest like my life depended on it (and it kinda did) which felt very good and necessary.
Finding my own true nature
I had the time and opportunity and interest to explore new philosophies and ways of living that better suited my needs and my personality. I found coaches, books and podcasts which guided me back to my own true nature and connected me with my intuition, my inner knowing, my Self. I was able to see with new eyes how I had gone against my gut feelings, my own wishes, desires and preferences so many times, and each time repressing a little bit of my true nature.
I hear from the amazing Dr. Valerie Rein (in her book Patriarchy Stress Disorder) that Depression comes from Oppression and this totally made sense to me.
Not blaming myself for my coping mechanisms
Reading books and listening to podcasts and talking to coaches, I learned so many new things about myself. I understood that, although I had done this to myself, it was not my fault. I do not blame myself for getting into this situation which made me ill. The coping mechanisms that had lead to burnout had been installed in me by the culture and society surrounding me over many years. They had helped me stay alive by learning how to fit in - with my family, at school, at Uni, at work and generally being an adult (or “adulting” as Glennon Doyle likes to say). They are very popular mechanisms (perfectionism, people pleasing, compliance, etc.) and they could be updated, or thrown out, to make way for my new and improved independent adult life.
Lots of lovely “woo” things
Following my intuition and my interests, I finally found something that I enjoyed spending my time doing. I was learning more about our unhealthy reality, the stresses and traumas caused by the patriarchy and capitalism which affect us all. I learned more about what we can connect to within ourselves, how we are all connected in this world and the Universe, how to manifest, what vibrations have to do with feelings, and all the lovely “woo” things I now know and love to learn about and teach!
Truth, Freedom, Joy
I was lucky to be able to surround myself with people with similar views. I did not feel I had to question these new beliefs. I had the chance to let them solidify within me. They felt true when I heard them, and this truth feels like freedom and it feels like joy.
Totally Worth It
Every time I went through a growth spurt through doing this inner work, it felt wonderful! The insights, the clarity, the compassion with myself and the utter joy of figuring something out about myself, a release of something old which was no longer serving me.
There is so much joy in growth I can tell you!
It can be hard and messy and horrible but it is TOTALLY WORTH IT.